i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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