no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
