Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
