ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize