yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
