And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
