if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
