A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
