You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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