Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
