My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
