Sry I called you an 8
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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