This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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