I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
