sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
