well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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