sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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