I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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