Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
