haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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