well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just invented taco cereal.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
