You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
