His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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