just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
