How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
