Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
a search helicopter?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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