Do you still have your period?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
