some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
