at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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