remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I look better un-naked...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
