yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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