'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
