I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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