Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
