Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Congratulations! We have a period
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
