He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
