Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
