Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
