Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is wine microwaveable?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
