she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i was in the wii world.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
