I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
