I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
