Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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