I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
