I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
