sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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