I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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