There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
