bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
