Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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