Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
