His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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