Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
