we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
