2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
